Blog again
this time wouldn't be so emo i guess
This time my emotional was quite stable and i quite impress of myself that i can settle it down
As i mentioned last week, yes! I completely lose in touch with her
Really, and i actually got find her best friend and talked,
The result of it was quite good, she is completely neutral, although i never mentioned fully everything. She explained to me, from the third party, Don't you think you are so dumb?
Don't you think u want to find out a reason from someone ignore/avoid you is dumb? Why you need to care so much when other people just don't care about you.
Somehow, i was quite impressed by that sentence.
It actually make me realize how dumb am I. So i decide to come out with a conclusion,
Why i need to care? come on icsk, i already decide to remain as friend and not going further more.
I can survive no matter what difficulties i face in the future.
Nothing can stop me.
OF course, i really need to said thanks to her best friend which also my friend about it.
You make me feel so much conform about what i should do.
:3
I found an article online, It actually describe what i feel.
"Once you feel avoided by SOMEONE, Never disturb them again"
True story.
Nothing is more realistic than that
but still, i curious what happen to you :)
I am still a guy, that want to care about you all the time
:3 !
As long as u called me for help, i confirm will be the first one to help u .:)
cheers!

bad feeling

The feeling inside me is so irritating,

I actually don't know what i want to do, and i what i should do

Just suddenly only this kind of thing appears in my life.

So , how should i start it first?

Maybe i don't describe the people here, but i guess my close friend already know who is she.

Yes, I really don't want to admit, but i have to.

I really got feeling towards her. I mean like serious. 

Best friend of mine, i just don't know why i suddenly got feeling towards her.

She is completely different girl that i used to love.

I said this sentence to her before, "You will not be the kind of girl we love, we are impossible"

But now, she is completely different, everything she said before is all in my mind.

I completely mind fucked ! WTH

I only can think of her in my mind, there is no other people in my mind. 

I make myself a dumb, before i confirm this kind of feeling, i actually go test myself,

What i test? i test myself by find back the girl i used to love, or the one that make me had a crush.

I want tell myself, there are the type of girl that i will love or like,

But the conclusion is disappointing. I completely 0% had feeling toward them. I can just ignore them as how they ignore me in the beginning. 

She used to remind me a sentence, which make me remember till now.

"Don't follow who is your ex, don't choose someone that similar like your ex because that is just a reason of finding a replacement, you should look forward for the feeling in your heart"

This sentence, it will be more meaningful if said it face to face, but i remember it till now

I hate this feeling, i hate it so much ! 

I hate the feeling of falling in love again, i hate the feeling to love someone which i shouldn't love.

I only can choose to ignore it, but in the same time, i want to find for her.

But the thing that make me curious is, i feel that she know i fall in love with her?

Or is that an excuse she trying to make to avoid me ?

Who knows? I really want to find out. But from what i'm observe, i found out 2 things.

1) She is avoiding me

2) She got something but i don't know why she don't want to tell me

This is totally different from last time when i knew her. 

From the beginning, i never expected i can get so close with her, but time shown the different.

We used to talk whole day, whole night or anything in our mind without anything.

OR 

Maybe i can conclude it in a good way, she is busy with her work, and she got a new bunch of friend.

This is only can be my conclusion, but to be honest, i stalked her everyday, everything that i can connected with her, or know what she is doing now.

I saw her face to face, since last week, i can feel that we got no topic to chat at all

Or she is ignoring me? I sense something, but i don't know what is that

IF you know that i got this kind of feeling toward you, why don't you directly tell me face to face?

TO be honest, i never expect to be together with you or think a small chance that we can be together

Because i know, i and you completely 2 different background and what is your minimum requirement. I know everything, unless u said i'm wrong. BUT i don't think i'm wrong.

I try to remain quiet now, i hope that we can back to normal we used to be.

As a close friend, best friend, or best buddies in my life.

Another thing i should highlight, i miss your laugh and smiling on your face.

Keep the distance is the thing i will do now. 

I will wonder when is the time that you will actually find me, and talk,

*waiting*

Actually, i got no idea what i am thinking now. Everything i think about, make me so confused.
I need to understand what i want?
Chong Sai Khong, how to differentiate love? care? touched?
Actually i don't know. I really don't know how to differentiate it.
Last time, when i face this kind of problem, someone will actually listen to this and tell me did i do wrong or not. Or the other way.
Now? Am i thinking a negative thing?
Or a positive?

Actually? who i actually love? i know i don't have the potential or choice to choose.
I know i am not whatever superb lengzai and rich people
But i know there is something inside me.
I just don't know how to describe it out only.
Maybe i should just consider, all is my friend.
normal hang out with them
that is my life
i think is better in this way, however, i feel i getting closer to her. but i feel i getting a big gap in the same time
OMG
i really dont know what i thinking now
shit

Blog again? haha
I failed to blog for the past 1 month because i got nothing to write or describe what i feel.
Lets begin with voice out what i feel. Oh well,
I had a great mix feeling inside me. The feeling that i couldn't said it out.
It doesn't really feel good. I just dont know what how to describe it.

I wish i can said it out, need release. Am i too weak to really go after it?
Or just a random feeling?
I feel it. I know is very random that i got this kind of feeling.
I rather don't think about this and continue with my life. But i tell myself, no
something had change inside me. Something had gone from bad to worst.
Oh well, I should identify what i think before i advance and really know is that true or false.

So, today i wrote a status at facebook, do we really have a choice or not?
I wrote it because i saw a insta from my friends.
Is true, and i agree what she said. What is out limit? Do we really make the correct choice?
OR a  wrong choice?
But i love the way she answer as well.
I would rather make a mistake and continue grow become stronger in life, rather than stuck inside a place forever.
This is a challenge of our life.
We don't born to follow the cycle. We are born to be different.
Born to be the best in life.

Day 4 and 5

I had a worst to the max and also good to the max day :)
Hey come on, who doesn't pissed when they took the Investment Analysis
I just cannot imagine how tough is this paper
OMG !
I screw up the whole paper, i really can said i pay alot attention study for this paper
end up? what is the out come?
i only imagine the F in my paper soon !
GOOD JOB SAI KHONG!

SO? after that
i had fun celebrating Mooncake festival at Bao Sian house with Erika And Chloe
hahaha ! all really can talk alot of bullshit and crap
man, this is awesome ! had a great celebration + chat
really make the bad day become good
hahahah ! Not to forget, i ate BBQ PLAZA with MC , Kent and WS
Free refill? YES !

Another celebration today, had a great dinner at "The Joy Of Sharing" at Kota Damansara, and end up hang out and watch movie about the maze runner.
Tired day, today dont have much emotional to share
i just feel is good that i'm live in this world :)
Cheers

Day 3

The end of everything, is the beginning of a new journey,
I feel my holiday coming soon, however there is an big obstacle for me to go  through before the holiday, which is? the holidays
Today finally i done "SO called paper" , which i don't understand at all from the beginning till ending. I really don't understand at all about the paper.
GOD !
I need to face investment analysis and brand management tomorrow,
2 also hardcore paper. I can really face the problem when i study for this 2 subject tomorrow
Tonight, i really going to make myself study
Really study and concentrate
No more playing around and slacking.
I can slack more when i finish everything, but now i need to study !
Study make perfect, less than 24 hour to study for 2 subject
Is not easy as u think, but i just hope i can complete all peacefully :)
So, what is so special?
I don't know. I feel like, i found out an escape route from my life :)
cheers!

Day 2

Sunday Evening :), I studied a few chapter of Research Methodology,
Is not easy, because although i only focus a few chapter, but it really alot of thing to read

Before i continue everything, i watch a really touched video,
This video really make me feel so touched.
The feeling inside me is amazing and cannot be describe at all
I am 100% full of feel whenever i think of something
This is because i trust miracle can happen.
Life is not easy without challenge :)
Take 12 minute of your time, watch this video.
I guarantee it will give you the strength to move on in life.

Continue back to study, Today will be a good good day! This semester will not be easy.
Oh well, today my group of friend went to broga hill,
i want to go badly =/
I not kidding, i really want to go, but i know if i go, i will really be exhausted, and waste half of my day sleeping. I cannot afford to do it because i still need to study. I got 3 paper in 2 days, i only can sacrifice that playing time to study. Everyone telling me, last minute study lah, sure can work or so on. I did, i last minute study in the past. the reason why i study because i know my mark is very low.
I am afraid to fail, Is not good to fail in any paper. I almost graduate d, i not to continue fail in my paper anymore. Not again.

Sometime, get tease by someone, just let it be.
As long as i know i doing the right thing, and do it in the right time is more than enough
Play? Enjoy? I want it so badly =/
Exam, i hate u so much

1st day challenge

I rewrite again my blog,
This will be the personal diary or blog for me in the future.
I accepted a challenge from someone about losing weight.
Yeah,of course is not easy. In the same time, i not going to tell anyone i wrote about this.
If not people start to laugh about me.
Well, well well,
I believe blog is still the better place for me to release out what i feel compare with twitter or facebook.
I don't judge people much, but i just want to know something more deeply
Who actually can judge me? or i should said , who actually got the "power" to judge me?
No one at all !
I never drop my tears for quite sometimes already. Not because i got nothing to cried, just that, i tell myself to be brave once in a while
Let it be the challenge in my life, the challenge that i can accept it no matter where i go.
I don't change my personality for people.
I will still stick back with the same me, same personality and the same way as what i do :)
A question come out to me, do i still have the potential to go after girls?
i can said 0%. I just a rubbish for certain time.
Well well well, Nvm, enough of rubbish, i think i shall start enjoy my life.
This month will be a wonderful month for me, because is my birthday and in the same time, i can celebrate with so many people. So many event for this month.
Awwwww man !

So my weight now is 110 KG, i will try to control my food that i consumer this month, and see what is my weight for day by day.

It was 5 months ago since i post, and there is really a lot of thing happen,
I start to gain weight? of course, i just don't know why,
and i really start to understand something.
The reason why i am here, i mean blogging, because i want to said it out something,
My friend, wait , i should name her my superb close friend remind me of something,
she told me something which make me really understand what i really want, and what i really want to do,
Is been 2 years, since that day, i just unable to forgot about you.
Because you bring me too much of memories, i can said there is no one can replace you from my heart.
My friend ask me, who is the girl that i love? what kind of requirement?
when i told her my requirement,
she just reply me, you're looking for someone similar like your ex, you're trying to find a replacement that have a similar look, but this doesn't mean that i really will like her, i just found someone like you. That's what i am doing now. She remind me, i should open up my heart, in a way of accept a girl, i will never ever find a girl like you anymore, so i should always tell myself, i need to start to forgot about it. Do not ever think about you as a burden for me. I am no longer the one that hold on with u. I should forgot about you and move on, She reminded me, and i really appreciate for her help
Thanks CMY.
from now on, i will start to change myself into a better person, The past, is already over, now is the future .

Well Done Ivan Chong Sai Khong,
Is nice to see you again ! cheers!
I just know that i had make myself improve from year to year :)
For the past 2 years, i really think that i changed alot,
I no longer a guy that really don't do serious or so on,
I just know that, if i never move on, i will never succeed in my life,
Yeah, so? what so interesting about blog btw?
It might be a normal thing, but where is the place where you can look at the past memories u had?
Yea, thats right, BLog is a good choice, i don't believe people will actually look at diaries or so on
I blog since 2007, my grammar is weak, i don't expect many reader as well,
i only want to know my past, and what i improve in my life
:), There was the past, but now is the present, i am moving on for the future.
No longer stuck in the past anymore.
I just know that, fairy tale never exist, do not wait for it, and go for it instead :)