I actually don't know what i want to do, and i what i should do
Just suddenly only this kind of thing appears in my life.
So , how should i start it first?
Maybe i don't describe the people here, but i guess my close friend already know who is she.
Yes, I really don't want to admit, but i have to.
I really got feeling towards her. I mean like serious.
Best friend of mine, i just don't know why i suddenly got feeling towards her.
She is completely different girl that i used to love.
I said this sentence to her before, "You will not be the kind of girl we love, we are impossible"
But now, she is completely different, everything she said before is all in my mind.
I completely mind fucked ! WTH
I only can think of her in my mind, there is no other people in my mind.
I make myself a dumb, before i confirm this kind of feeling, i actually go test myself,
What i test? i test myself by find back the girl i used to love, or the one that make me had a crush.
I want tell myself, there are the type of girl that i will love or like,
But the conclusion is disappointing. I completely 0% had feeling toward them. I can just ignore them as how they ignore me in the beginning.
She used to remind me a sentence, which make me remember till now.
"Don't follow who is your ex, don't choose someone that similar like your ex because that is just a reason of finding a replacement, you should look forward for the feeling in your heart"
This sentence, it will be more meaningful if said it face to face, but i remember it till now
I hate this feeling, i hate it so much !
I hate the feeling of falling in love again, i hate the feeling to love someone which i shouldn't love.
I only can choose to ignore it, but in the same time, i want to find for her.
But the thing that make me curious is, i feel that she know i fall in love with her?
Or is that an excuse she trying to make to avoid me ?
Who knows? I really want to find out. But from what i'm observe, i found out 2 things.
1) She is avoiding me
2) She got something but i don't know why she don't want to tell me
This is totally different from last time when i knew her.
From the beginning, i never expected i can get so close with her, but time shown the different.
We used to talk whole day, whole night or anything in our mind without anything.
OR
Maybe i can conclude it in a good way, she is busy with her work, and she got a new bunch of friend.
This is only can be my conclusion, but to be honest, i stalked her everyday, everything that i can connected with her, or know what she is doing now.
I saw her face to face, since last week, i can feel that we got no topic to chat at all
Or she is ignoring me? I sense something, but i don't know what is that
IF you know that i got this kind of feeling toward you, why don't you directly tell me face to face?
TO be honest, i never expect to be together with you or think a small chance that we can be together
Because i know, i and you completely 2 different background and what is your minimum requirement. I know everything, unless u said i'm wrong. BUT i don't think i'm wrong.
I try to remain quiet now, i hope that we can back to normal we used to be.
As a close friend, best friend, or best buddies in my life.
Another thing i should highlight, i miss your laugh and smiling on your face.
Keep the distance is the thing i will do now.
I will wonder when is the time that you will actually find me, and talk,
*waiting*
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